I figured I’d close out this year with some utterly ridiculous predictions for 2024.
Here they are, in no particular order of preposterousness.
President Joe Biden’s mental acuity will continue to decline. In one egregious example, he will direct Secretary of State Tony Blinken to stand by the presidential TV set to adjust the rabbit ears, so he can watch Hogan’s Heroes. Then, he’ll demand Blinken get Colonel Klink on the phone to negotiate the release of Hogan and his crew.
Donald J. Trump’s legal troubles will come to a head. Facing prison time in a federal slammer for election interference, Trump will cop a plea. A lot of people say it will be a perfect plea, a beautiful plea, that there was nothing wrong with the plea.
Representative Rashida Tlaib will choke on an everything bagel while on the stair master in the congressional gym. Gasping for air, she will blame the cabal of international Zionist-Jewish bagel bakers for trying to kill her.
In 2024, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will continue to search for a brain, to no avail.
Two big celebrity couples will get married in 2024.
Amazon gazillionaire Jeff Bezos and fiancé Lauren Sanchez, will get married at an exotic, prime location that takes no more than two days to reach.
Music superstar Taylor Swift and football star Travis Kelce will get married at the Super Bowl, before the coin toss. Swift will elect to receive. I don’t even know what that means, but I liked how it sounds.
In tech news, Apple will introduce the first rotary dial iPhone with the 411 information number already programmed in.
Elon Musk will change his name to Twitter. So, Twitter will formerly be known as Musk, while X will still be formerly known as Twitter.
New York Mayor Eric Adams will set up congestion pricing sensors at the southern border. Adams says all those immigrants are going to end up in midtown Manhattan anyway so he might as well make some money off of them.
And, those immigrants are about to get company.
All the New Yorkers who moved to Florida, finally realizing they actually have to live there, will be moving back. Upon arrival in New York, they will be processed through the Roosevelt Hotel where they will be given an unlicensed motor scooter.
Also in New York, the city’s rats will stage a sit-in at Grand Central Station, claiming they face extermination at the hands of a non-indigenous, colonialist population..
At Harvard, more examples of plagiarism by President Claudine Gay will be uncovered, forcing her to resign. Copy that?
In the world of media, former CNN host Don Lemon will team with Nikki Haley for a past her prime time talk show. First topic? “The Civil Part of the Civil War.”
The New York Times will be sold to the My Pillow Guy, who will name Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert chief movie critic.
And here’s my last and most absurd prediction for 2024.
Disgraced former Congressman George Santos, will win Dancing With the Stars, performing the famous, frenzied Azerbaijan folk dance, the Azeri. Santos will say he learned the dance from his mother, a Jewish Azarbaijani princess, who birthed him in Baku.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqCotOVRQ14
Who knows if any of these predictions will actually happen? But there are a couple of predictions I hope do come true. It’s that 2024 will be a year of peace for Israel and for the world, and that all the hostages held captive in Gaza under unimaginable conditions, will be released.
Happy New Year to my growing list of subscribers! Please feel free to share my weekly blog with anyone with a pulse.
Sincerely, your friend without benefits,
David Friend