MEMO
To: Chris Licht, CEO of CNN
From: friendwithoutbenefits.com
Subject: Your Don Lemon Dilemma
Dear Chris,
I feel your pain. Over the course of my forty-plus year career in TV, I too have had anchors who’ve behaved badly.
Did I ever tell you about the TV host who was convinced her colleague (and rival) from Louisiana was sticking pins in a voodoo doll causing her severe stomach pains? Crazy but true.
Or have I mentioned the anchorman who has bullied his co-anchor to tears, but his misbehavior has been self-servingly ignored? Uh-huh.
Or the anchorwoman, who on 9/11, wondered aloud why Twin Towers workers weren’t given parachutes for just such a catastrophe? You can’t make this stuff up.
That on-air genius observation ranks right up there with Don Lemon’s moronic assertion that GOP presidential candidate Nikki Haley was past her prime at 51. Google it, he said.
Lemon says he’s not a misogynist. He says some of his best friends at CNN are women. (Extra info: one of his alleged best buds is a subscriber to friendwithoutbenefits.com). Okay, so if he’s not a lifetime member of Spanky’s “he-man woman-haters club,” then the only explanation for his rant is that he’s supremely stupid.
I mean, this is the same guy who told a woman who had accused Bill Cosby of forced oral sex, that she could have avoided it by biting his penis.
Chris, I’m not sure what the “formal training” you’ve sent him to is about. Was he tied to an office chair and forced to sit in front of a screen with rapidly changing pictures of women “past their prime” who’ve achieved greatness? Kinda like the Manchurian Candidate meets Homeland.
Did it teach him that in 2016, more than 80 percent of the women in the US House and Senate were over 50? Ruth Bader Ginsburg was 60 years old when she was appointed to the US Supreme Court. Don, you can Google it.
But Chris, whatever you did to get him back behind the anchor desk was a good move because it has bought you some time. You must know by now that your new morning show is on life support. It was an improbable mix of hosts in the first place. The smug Lemon, the first-time host Collins and the pleasant but unspectacular Harlow. Now, on top of that, Lemon has soured the odds of success by alienating your critically important female morning viewers.
So now it’s up to you, Chris, to figure out how to make lemonade out of Lemon and Co., but you’re already way out on a limb with no safety net. You can’t touch Poppy Harlow and Kaitlan Collins. You will be vilified for squeezing them out for Lemon’s bad behavior. They’re not going anyplace.
With Lemon, you’ll have a hard time picking a replacement who isn’t gay and African American, or face the wrath of the special interest groups that love decapitating news executives. (Those who can, do. Those who can’t, lead associations.).
Not to mention that you’ll have to explain this epic failure to your bosses, plus you will lose credibility with your rank and file that’s already pining for your predecessor, Jeff Zucker.
One thing is for certain, you cannot afford another swing and a miss. And don’t forget, you still have to fill that gaping prime-time hole left by Chris Cuomo. No margin for error there, either.
Your only move right now is to stay the course and hope the team will blossom and will cultivate a sweet-smelling relationship. The odds are against you, but you never know what can happen.
Good luck and Godspeed. I’m here if you need me 🙂
Yours in talent relations,
FWoB