Thank You Notes

It’s time to send out the Friendwithoutbenefits.com post-midterm election thank you notes.  Two notes to two very, very different people.

My first note must go to the former First Lady of the United States, Melania Trump.

Dear Mel, 

Thank you so much for your brilliant move convincing your husband to endorse Dr. Oz in the race for Senate in Pennsylvania.  Whatever you said or did was amazing because you were able to do what no politician could or would do; stop the Trump clan from returning to the White House. 

According to several reports, your hubs is blaming you for his ill-fated backing of the man called Oz.  Melania, you are so astute.  You told the Donald that this guy Oz was a lock. He had everything going for him; TV fame, pretty good looks, and an opponent who barely survived a stroke.  You said, “Donald, Oz is it!” 

But your Oz move wasn’t the only thing that may break the GOP’s allegiance to the menace of Mar-a-Lago.

The Murdochs have openly turned against him.  Do you guys get the New York Post down there?  Did you see the Trumpty Dumpty front page?  Come on, admit it, you must’ve chuckled just a little bit.  A little smirk, maybe?

It’s pretty much a given that politicians flee a sinking ship even faster than the other rats, and right now the USS Trump is listing badly.  All politicians care about is winning and now, thanks to you Melania, your husband has a “loser” sign hanging around his neck.

You did this nation a great service and proved that you can incite an insurrection and get away with it, but you are finished in politics if you don’t have juice.

Due to your shrewdness, you get to keep your dear soulmate close to you forever in the Florida sunshine, if he doesn’t end up in a Federal penitentiary or in a Georgia lockup. 

Take care Melania and good luck. You’ll need it,

FWoB

My second thank you note has to go to Hunter Biden.  Hunter Biden?  What did he have to do with this week’s election?  

Dear Hunter,

This note of thanks is long overdue but I waited till the midterm elections were over to make sure you truly deserved it.

Thank you so much for leaving your laptop at that repair shop in Wilmington, Delaware.  Now that the Republicans will likely control the US House of Representatives for the next two years, the stuff you had on that computer will effectively end your dad’s political career.

Hey Hunter, hear me out, I’m not the one smoking crack.

The mainstream media have purposely pooh-poohed any connection between your shady dealings in China and Ukraine and the “big guy” aka, daddy Joe.  It’s now inevitable the Republicans in control of the House will launch a very public investigation.  And if that doesn’t get your dad’s knickers in a knot,  now that the midterms are over, the Department of Justice may indict you, Hunter.

All this, plus your dad’s advancing senility, will push him out of the 2024 Presidential race.  His gaffes will get worse, his made up stuff will grow like Pinocchio’s nose,  and the mainstream news media will be less able to laugh them off.  Listen, he couldn’t even campaign just now for Democrats in swing states.  He won’t be able to hide in the basement this time around unless China unleashes a new pandemic.

Thanks pal, in a weird way you’re doing your pops a big favor.  The stumbling, mumbling and bumbling is really sad to see.  Too many years in Washington may have taken its toll, or maybe it was the hair plugs back in the ’80’s.  

And let’s face it, your drug addictions and whoring haven’t helped.  Hunter, a lot of crap will come out in the next couple of years that will be ugly, but at least you guys made some good coin so you can go back to Delaware and binge watch The Simpsons in comfort.

All my best and say hi to those Secret Service agents that are watching over you on the taxpayers’ dime,

FWoB.

Before I put my thank you cards away, I’ve taken another deep look into my crystal ball and have these predictions, but please don’t tell anyone lest I look foolish like the rest of the media.

• Donald J. Trump will drop out of the 2024 presidential race before the primaries.  His campaign wasn’t able to attract donors and you know, sure as spit, that the Donald didn’t want to spend his own money.  
• Trump’s demise cleared the field of candidates for Ron DeSantis, Mike Pence, Glenn Youngkin, Brian Kemp and ugh, Ted Cruz.  Nikki Haley will run but will drop out early in hopes of getting a Vice-President nomination.
• Joe Biden won’t run for re-election for the reasons stated in my thank you note to his sonny boy, Hunter.  
• Among the Democrats that will seek the nomination are Gavin Newsom, Corey Booker and yes, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the heir to the Bernie Sanders socialist brigade.
• Lee Zeldin came close to beating Kathy Hochul, and his coattails helped flip four House races in New York from blue to red. Even the Chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, “Full of Baloney” Sean Patrick Maloney, was defeated.  If New York Democrats don’t get the message that crime and taxes are issues they have to deal with, then more seats will swing red in 2024. 
• The next President of the United States will be…stay tuned to Friendwithoutbenefits.com for the latest developments!